The Unseen Hero: Social fathers and the fabric of care

This story is not rare – it is the story of countless South African children and caregivers. The concept of social fatherhood (where uncles, grandfathers, stepfathers or community mentors raise and care for children) is longstanding in African kinship systems^[1];[2].

These men are often deeply engaged, offering daily support, discipline, and guidance^[3]. Yet they are almost entirely excluded from family policy, custody arrangements, and parenting programme design – a failure that reinforces the exclusive acceptability of the outdated nuclear family model.

Fatherhood in South Africa is undergoing a quiet, yet profound transformation. Beneath the dominant narrative of absence and abandonment lies a more textured and complex reality – one in which men are actively reshaping what it means to be a father, often without recognition or support. Yet this transformation is taking place within a context of deep crisis: economic marginalisation, policy neglect, and the persistent invisibility of caregiving men in systems designed around maternal primacy.

My own preliminary research findings^[4] together with national data (including the State of South Africa’s Fathers 2024^[5] and contemporary literature on the subject paint a nuanced and layered picture. In the foreground are three emerging trends: shifting paternal identities, the overlooked role of social fathers, and the need for systemic support that reflects fathers’ realities.

From Breadwinner to Co-Parent: A shift in identity

The breadwinner model, rooted in colonial and apartheid-era policies, still shapes perceptions of fatherhood^[6];[7]. Yet this model no longer reflects the everyday practices of many South African fathers. Research increasingly shows that fathers (especially co-resident and involved non-resident men) are involved in feeding, play, and learning^[8]; ^[9]. In my own study, fathers across income groups are participating in both structured learning and emotional caregiving activities, often in the face of persistent economic and systemic challenges^[10].

These shifts signal a reworking of masculine identity – what we might call care-based masculinities – rooted in presence, empathy, and shared responsibility. However, this transformation is not supported by the systems in which men parent. Instead, many navigate care roles within institutional frameworks that are slow to evolve.

Barriers to Father Engagement: Systems and gatekeeping

Despite increasing father involvement, public services – from early-childhood development (ECD) centres to healthcare – continue to treat caregiving as maternal terrain. In the State of South Africa’s Fathers 2024, over half of fathers reported feeling excluded by services that implicitly target mothers^[11]. Men are denied paternity leave, overlooked in court systems, and positioned as “helpers” rather than as equal caregivers.

Beyond systemic exclusion, interpersonal barriers also persist. Maternal gatekeeping (whether intentional or unconscious) limits father involvement. My own findings confirm that mothers and grandmothers may restrict men’s caregiving roles, often with the intention of protecting the child or maintaining routines. Yet, these dynamics can reinforce gendered parenting norms and undermine the development of co-parental partnerships^[12]; ^[13].

Parenting Against the Past

Many men today are parenting in response to their own experiences of paternal absence, authoritarianism, or emotional distance. This form of intergenerational reflexivity is helping reshape paternal identities^[14]. In homes across the country, fathers are breaking cycles by being present, nurturing, and more emotionally available.

Studies have found that men who engage in domestic labour are also more involved in childcare^[15]. These practices reflect new masculinities being forged in kitchens and playgrounds – but these shifts remain vulnerable. Without systemic validation and support, men are left to drive change in isolation.

What if our systems caught up?

Imagine a South Africa where ECD staff are trained to engage both mothers and fathers, where father-friendly clinics offer parenting classes that include social and non-resident fathers, and where policies recognise caregiving men regardless of biology. Imagine schools that send letters home addressed to both parents, and court systems that prioritise shared caregiving where it is safe and appropriate.

These visions are within reach. But they require a redesign of institutional mindsets and programme models to reflect the full diversity of caregiving roles. A father-inclusive society doesn’t just benefit men – it strengthens families and children.

Holding crisis and transformation together

Fatherhood in South Africa is both in crisis and in motion. It is in crisis because fathers (biological and social alike) are systematically marginalised in parenting ecosystems. Yet it is in motion because many men are resisting these limitations, embodying new forms of presence, and reimagining care despite the odds. These fathers are not anomalies – they are everyday actors navigating systems that were never built with them in mind.

To move forward, we must reject binary narratives of presence versus absence. We must name what already exists: care being performed by men every day, often invisibly. Rethinking the father gap is not only about recognising these fathers – it is about redesigning our social systems to include, support, and celebrate them.